I’ve always been the type of person who never likes to commit. When someone asks me to do something or be part of something, instead of saying yes, I say “ Let me think about it”. It’s not a bad thing to think about something before doing it, but when my “Let me think about it” ALWAYS turns into “sorry I can’t, something else came up”, that's when it becomes a problem.
I’ve always had trouble committing. I still have trouble committing to a major in college, I have trouble committing to work sometimes and I especially have issues committing to things that I honestly don’t even really want to do, including church things and especially ministry.
I had to take a deeper look into myself, my relationships and the people around me and ask myself “Why can’t I say yes and just give my best?”. Nobody likes to be around someone who is flaky.
I found out that I was “Church Hurt”
I was so resentful of some of the people around me. There were times that I felt (even though I’m sure this wasn’t the intention, sometimes) that I felt belittled, treated unfairly and sometimes even ignored by people in the church that I had counted on. Why would I want to commit when these negative feelings were festering in my heart? This is something that I dealt with for many years. But God is good and he comes to mend our hurting heart.
For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God. Romans 3:23
Recognizing that people are just people, and they will fail us, and believe or not, I have probably hurt and failed someone in the same way I have felt hurt and let-down. The best part about it is that God’s grace is sufficient enough to cover it both ways. Being resentful because someone failed us isn’t a good reason to pull away and be weary to commit. Instead, keep going and put our best foot forward because the Lord’s grace covers us AND them.
I found out that I was INSECURE
Insecurity use to (and sometimes still does) attack me in the worst way. Sometimes I feel insecure because I feel someone or some people can do or serve in a better way than me. Sometimes I feel insecure because I know I have a strength but I don’t want to play on it in fear of making someone else feel bad.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesian 2:10
I take great comfort in this verse and knowing that God equips each and every one of us differently. There are some ways that you can serve, that I can’t. There will be people that I can reach, that you can’t. There will be something that someone can do to serve the kingdom that neither of us can do! When I realized, I mean really realized that each of us has a mission and a strength that is God given that NO ONE can take away, I felt confident in using it in ministry, my relationships and even at work.
I found out that FORGIVENESS was NECESSARY
At the root of my commitment (heart) issue, was a grave lack of forgiveness. Forgiveness is vital in this life, whether someone asks for it or not. Sometimes, I don’t want to commitment because I’m angry. Because “They did this to me sooo, too bad, I can’t help them”. Imagine if that’s what God’s attitude was towards us? We’d be in major trouble.
Forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
People struggle with commitment and saying “yes” in so many ways. I just wanted to share a little bit of what I had been through and some things that continue to help me navigate ministry and my personal responsibilities.
I hope this blog helps someone <3
Love,
An Honest Girl